[ he wants to say no, but he also doesn't. it's weird; he's not normally the shining example of forgiveness and understanding, but... he goes through the moons, too, and knows full well how easy it is to lose control. he can't blame yoohyun for everything. ]
[ Is he home alone? That's concerning -- and a little agitating -- Yoohyun almost entertains the idea of having someone follow Itaru like he had done to Yoojin. It would help ease him of any stress (that he pretends doesn't exist), at least.
But he arrives before the pizza delivery, walking through the door after a light rap of his knuckles. Peace eagerly enters the unfamiliar apartment with bright eyes, catching a familiar scent in the air before gleefully rushing towards where Itaru is seated.
Yoohyun takes his time, however, as if hesitant to look him in the face after all this time. Standing awkwardly in the hallway for a brief moment before peeking his head in, moving out to the living room as Peace runs circles around Itaru's feet. ]
[ he's sprawled on the couch with his phone in his hand, tapping away at some game or another. it's only when he hears the door open that he straightens up, a little, watching the small, red furball dash into the room and head straight towards him. so cute... he even behaves and doesn't jump up on his lap, as itaru remembers it's dangerous -- so instead he reaches down to grab peace and bring him up himself, seating him on his thighs while petting away.
ugh... soft animal... all injuries cured instantly. ]
... [ glancing up at yoohyun, he pauses. seeing him makes him tense up, a little, but he gestures for him to enter instead of skulking around at the entrance, leaning down to bury his face in peace's fur.
this is what he needed... ]
You don't. [ comes an offhanded comment, and he snorts, tilting his head to look at him properly. ] I think you looked handsomer with a snout.
[ Yoohyun finds a seat across from him; choosing that over sitting next to him, as there's no denying the awkward air between them both. Looking him in the eye doesn't seem challenging, at least when there's some distance between them, and so his expression looks normal, if not a tad offended by the comment he made.
He quirks a brow, not even so much as offering a smile before asking: ] Did you like it like that much? Maybe I shouldn't have even bothered.
[ It's vague for a reason -- bothering himself to be kept awake at night at the thought that his behavior managed to push someone away. Not purposely, this time, and it reels him back to those years where he and his brother were so distant; the feeling in his stomach twists, almost driving him nauseous at the thought.
But there's also something refreshing about his banter, relieving some of the tensity in the air. Maybe Itaru has a fascination with monsters, if that's the truth then he'll gladly indulge in it --
Why does the thought of it make him so damn chipper? ]
[ is that an apology, in yoohyun's books? because it's not in itaru's? his monster... fascination (or rather, his monster problem) aside, yoohyun stil stepped out of line, ok.
in the same vein, he can't really bring himself to feel upset at the other. well, he is annoyed, because that was a lot of pain to endure, but -- he can't really fault yoohyun for losing control. the moons are the moons, and itaru knows full-well the extent of their sway. the other looks apologetic, and though the words aren't coming out of his mouth, he's at least trying.
... more than most people have done for him, ever. ]
Fine. A friend is going to come by and help heal them, so there's no ugly leftovers. [ aka, big-ass scars that he doesn't want marring his skin. it's better smooth and unblemished, thank you very much. ]
[ Had he been in a particular mood his wolf ears would be laying flat on his head. Disappointed and disgusting in himself, that tone of Itaru's making him slink back in realization that his methods of apologizing weren't exactly... ideal. But, to be fair, Yoohyun's next thought was to leave it as it is, so this is definitely a step up.
But he also appears relieved when he says that he'll have a healer to tend to his wounds. The potion that he had could only help so far; unfortunately, as he wanted to at least try to help him after everything. ]
Your neck, too? [ He gestures by pointing at the back of his own neck.
His hand drops back onto his lap, growing quiet as he has to question -- was he feeling better? ]
Physically I'm fine. [ Emotionally? Mentally? He's unsure of, but he doesn't want him feeling any more concerned about his well-being than he already is. ] Mentally, emotionally... I'm just pissed off. This never would have happened if those moons never existed. [ That much he's certain about, even if the image of Itaru squirming underneath him remains vivid; he feels as if just a simple touch will bring him back to that day, but then it would only confuse him more. ]
It wasn't within my intentions of doing that to you... If I had a choice --
[ What? Why is he even putting that into consideration? He feels embarrassed, a light hint of red spreading across his cheeks. ]
[ well, he knows saying sorry is hard. given everything that happened, facing this head-on must be difficult for yoohyun, too -- though itaru's still definitely got it worse? regardless, he does appreciate the other coming over... it's a low bar, but he doesn't expect people to care about him at all, so.
it's something. ]
Yeah. ... why that in particular? [ that's a weird one to single out...
he watches him, lips pursed in a thoughtful line. well, he's not really one to hold grudges -- and though yoohyun's presence still does stir some sort of deep-seated panic in his core, it's not as if he can't shove said panic back down where it belongs. shit happens, when you're in isekai -- maybe not that kind of shit, but without injuries, the protagonist would never realize his true potential, right?
... anyway. ]
I know. [ that yoohyun didn't intend this. if he had, it'd be a bigger problem. ] Well, it's still all your fault, but personally, I shouldn't have wandered out like that during triple moon. Everyone's been giving me shit about it, sheesh. [ he leans back on the couch, huffing. ] It was your first, right? So losing control isn't that out of place.
[ given his hot blooded tendencies... yeah, it all falls in line. ]
Look, it... [ was terrifying. he's still a little scared. but he hates showing weakness, or vulnerability, so he puts on his Big Boy pants and straightens up. ] ... it's in the past. Just... have someone look after you next time, yeah? See if the transformation is still as bad.
I've heard from a few others that a Sanguis biting the back of a person's neck might... make things complicated. [ It's a rumor, really, but once reality had hit and he saw the marks peppered across the back of Itaru's neck his stomach flipped with unease. At that time he could smell him all around the other; suffocating, as if to replace his scent entirely, or at least leave a message for any predators that he had already been claimed. The fact that Yoohyun's body had wanted that familiar sense of possessiveness to overwhelm someone else makes him even more regretful.
Because he wanted it. Truly, surely, he desired to leave a warning for others that wished to touch him. ] But if that happened -- I'd take responsibility. [ Commitment is scary but he'd at least make sure Itaru could find a way out of... bonding... ] But I'm glad, really, I was really worried.
[ He cried, obviously. His cheeks go hot with embarrassment as he remembers; vivid, the memory of his body rising high with anxiety as he put all his efforts into giving Itaru whatever he can so that he may survive. Never had he worked so hard to ensure the safety of someone other than Yoojin.
His heart sinks. ]
Itaru. [ He calls his name; softly, as if hesitant. ] ... It's okay if you hate me.
[ He has every reason to, at least. And Yoohyun is no stranger of being hated -- or at least ignored, and admittedly the latter half sounds more appealing. He can't explain why exactly, but if he had to garner a guess it'd be the comforting sensation of being accepted despite his state during the Sanguis moon. Soft hands, a softer voice, arms holding onto him as he braces all his weight onto a body that welcomed him rather than vehemently push him away. ]
But I don't want you to. [ It's selfish and he doesn't hide it in his expression that he knows. ] And I... If it's not too much, I wanna touch you again. When I can control it better -- when I know I can treat you properly.
[ take responsibility, his ass. point is, he doesn't feel that different, and the wound doesn't feel particularly special, and he doesn't want to be told by some brat that he'll take responsibility like he'd just knocked him up, or something? just. be quiet. still, the emotion in yoohyun's voice is almost surprising -- it's obvious he's serious about this apology attempt, at least, so itaru feels less inclined to be mean... or to shut him out.
he still wants to, though. being understood... being cared for... absolutely disgusting. ]
I don't hate you. [ that's too much effort, and he still can't fully blame yoohyun for what happened, despite everything. the moons are cruel -- they fuck with them more than they could ever fuck with each other, anyway.
that said, he does feel uneasy, still. it's hard to just dump all emotion away, despite his permanently monotone voice and a blank expression to go with it. he likes to put up the facade of being unbothered by anything, but... well, unfortunately, the reality isn't that kind. being told yoohyun still wants to touch him is a little odd, though. there's plenty of iris who wouldn't make a fuss about it -- so why? ]
You can get laid easier with someone who doesn't know about that full-wolf thing, tho. [ ?? and he wouldn't have to wait for them, either... ]
I'm serious. [ It's similar to forming a contract -- Isn't it? At least it makes sense to Yoohyun, in that retrospect; though it may be temporary there's no reason for him not to take it seriously. He wants to believe that he has a heart that's cold enough to shut off everyone else from coming in. All with the exception of one person.
Clearly he's wrong. And as he makes that realization, his stomach twists.
He's putting someone else into consideration besides Yoojin; he's unsure of what to do with this feeling that settles in his chest, and perhaps a little terrified as his fingers slowly curl into the palms of his hands. The arms of the chair he's sitting in don't comfort him in the slightest as he's hit with a sudden wave of regret: would he be betraying his years dedicated to his own brother for wanting someone else to be close to him? ]
I'm not talking about just sex. [ Though yeah... there are plenty of iris for him to pour his seed into. The sex with Itaru was really nice though, even if he was absent during most of it. But before then he would touch him as if he were scared to -- even the kiss seemed a little reluctant, if not just awkwardly shy due to no moon to influence either of them -- and the memory of it is a harsh one to bear. ] I want you to feel safe when I hold you.
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kk
doors open
[ so don't make him get up from the couch. ]
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But he arrives before the pizza delivery, walking through the door after a light rap of his knuckles. Peace eagerly enters the unfamiliar apartment with bright eyes, catching a familiar scent in the air before gleefully rushing towards where Itaru is seated.
Yoohyun takes his time, however, as if hesitant to look him in the face after all this time. Standing awkwardly in the hallway for a brief moment before peeking his head in, moving out to the living room as Peace runs circles around Itaru's feet. ]
You're looking better.
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ugh... soft animal... all injuries cured instantly. ]
... [ glancing up at yoohyun, he pauses. seeing him makes him tense up, a little, but he gestures for him to enter instead of skulking around at the entrance, leaning down to bury his face in peace's fur.
this is what he needed... ]
You don't. [ comes an offhanded comment, and he snorts, tilting his head to look at him properly. ] I think you looked handsomer with a snout.
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He quirks a brow, not even so much as offering a smile before asking: ] Did you like it like that much? Maybe I shouldn't have even bothered.
[ It's vague for a reason -- bothering himself to be kept awake at night at the thought that his behavior managed to push someone away. Not purposely, this time, and it reels him back to those years where he and his brother were so distant; the feeling in his stomach twists, almost driving him nauseous at the thought.
But there's also something refreshing about his banter, relieving some of the tensity in the air. Maybe Itaru has a fascination with monsters, if that's the truth then he'll gladly indulge in it --
Why does the thought of it make him so damn chipper? ]
How are your injuries?
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[ is that an apology, in yoohyun's books? because it's not in itaru's? his monster... fascination (or rather, his monster problem) aside, yoohyun stil stepped out of line, ok.
in the same vein, he can't really bring himself to feel upset at the other. well, he is annoyed, because that was a lot of pain to endure, but -- he can't really fault yoohyun for losing control. the moons are the moons, and itaru knows full-well the extent of their sway. the other looks apologetic, and though the words aren't coming out of his mouth, he's at least trying.
... more than most people have done for him, ever. ]
Fine. A friend is going to come by and help heal them, so there's no ugly leftovers. [ aka, big-ass scars that he doesn't want marring his skin. it's better smooth and unblemished, thank you very much. ]
... you feeling better?
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But he also appears relieved when he says that he'll have a healer to tend to his wounds. The potion that he had could only help so far; unfortunately, as he wanted to at least try to help him after everything. ]
Your neck, too? [ He gestures by pointing at the back of his own neck.
His hand drops back onto his lap, growing quiet as he has to question -- was he feeling better? ]
Physically I'm fine. [ Emotionally? Mentally? He's unsure of, but he doesn't want him feeling any more concerned about his well-being than he already is. ] Mentally, emotionally... I'm just pissed off. This never would have happened if those moons never existed. [ That much he's certain about, even if the image of Itaru squirming underneath him remains vivid; he feels as if just a simple touch will bring him back to that day, but then it would only confuse him more. ]
It wasn't within my intentions of doing that to you... If I had a choice --
[ What? Why is he even putting that into consideration? He feels embarrassed, a light hint of red spreading across his cheeks. ]
Things just wouldn't have ended like this.
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it's something. ]
Yeah. ... why that in particular? [ that's a weird one to single out...
he watches him, lips pursed in a thoughtful line. well, he's not really one to hold grudges -- and though yoohyun's presence still does stir some sort of deep-seated panic in his core, it's not as if he can't shove said panic back down where it belongs. shit happens, when you're in isekai -- maybe not that kind of shit, but without injuries, the protagonist would never realize his true potential, right?
... anyway. ]
I know. [ that yoohyun didn't intend this. if he had, it'd be a bigger problem. ] Well, it's still all your fault, but personally, I shouldn't have wandered out like that during triple moon. Everyone's been giving me shit about it, sheesh. [ he leans back on the couch, huffing. ] It was your first, right? So losing control isn't that out of place.
[ given his hot blooded tendencies... yeah, it all falls in line. ]
Look, it... [ was terrifying. he's still a little scared. but he hates showing weakness, or vulnerability, so he puts on his Big Boy pants and straightens up. ] ... it's in the past. Just... have someone look after you next time, yeah? See if the transformation is still as bad.
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Because he wanted it. Truly, surely, he desired to leave a warning for others that wished to touch him. ] But if that happened -- I'd take responsibility. [ Commitment is scary but he'd at least make sure Itaru could find a way out of... bonding... ] But I'm glad, really, I was really worried.
[ He cried, obviously. His cheeks go hot with embarrassment as he remembers; vivid, the memory of his body rising high with anxiety as he put all his efforts into giving Itaru whatever he can so that he may survive. Never had he worked so hard to ensure the safety of someone other than Yoojin.
His heart sinks. ]
Itaru. [ He calls his name; softly, as if hesitant. ] ... It's okay if you hate me.
[ He has every reason to, at least. And Yoohyun is no stranger of being hated -- or at least ignored, and admittedly the latter half sounds more appealing. He can't explain why exactly, but if he had to garner a guess it'd be the comforting sensation of being accepted despite his state during the Sanguis moon. Soft hands, a softer voice, arms holding onto him as he braces all his weight onto a body that welcomed him rather than vehemently push him away. ]
But I don't want you to. [ It's selfish and he doesn't hide it in his expression that he knows. ] And I... If it's not too much, I wanna touch you again. When I can control it better -- when I know I can treat you properly.
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[ take responsibility, his ass. point is, he doesn't feel that different, and the wound doesn't feel particularly special, and he doesn't want to be told by some brat that he'll take responsibility like he'd just knocked him up, or something? just. be quiet. still, the emotion in yoohyun's voice is almost surprising -- it's obvious he's serious about this apology attempt, at least, so itaru feels less inclined to be mean... or to shut him out.
he still wants to, though. being understood... being cared for... absolutely disgusting. ]
I don't hate you. [ that's too much effort, and he still can't fully blame yoohyun for what happened, despite everything. the moons are cruel -- they fuck with them more than they could ever fuck with each other, anyway.
that said, he does feel uneasy, still. it's hard to just dump all emotion away, despite his permanently monotone voice and a blank expression to go with it. he likes to put up the facade of being unbothered by anything, but... well, unfortunately, the reality isn't that kind. being told yoohyun still wants to touch him is a little odd, though. there's plenty of iris who wouldn't make a fuss about it -- so why? ]
You can get laid easier with someone who doesn't know about that full-wolf thing, tho. [ ?? and he wouldn't have to wait for them, either... ]
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Clearly he's wrong. And as he makes that realization, his stomach twists.
He's putting someone else into consideration besides Yoojin; he's unsure of what to do with this feeling that settles in his chest, and perhaps a little terrified as his fingers slowly curl into the palms of his hands. The arms of the chair he's sitting in don't comfort him in the slightest as he's hit with a sudden wave of regret: would he be betraying his years dedicated to his own brother for wanting someone else to be close to him? ]
I'm not talking about just sex. [ Though yeah... there are plenty of iris for him to pour his seed into. The sex with Itaru was really nice though, even if he was absent during most of it. But before then he would touch him as if he were scared to -- even the kiss seemed a little reluctant, if not just awkwardly shy due to no moon to influence either of them -- and the memory of it is a harsh one to bear. ] I want you to feel safe when I hold you.